Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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