Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
