So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
