The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
