i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
