She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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