I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
