then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Never underestimate the power of titties
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
