We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
