White coat. Heels.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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