Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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