she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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