Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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