I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
