I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
