Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
