Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
