Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Found your dick twin last night
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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