He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
