Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
