Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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