we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
