she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just high enough for therapy.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize