I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How does one acquire holy water?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
