I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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