So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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