we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
