she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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