Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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