somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
