didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
