don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
