I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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