the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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