you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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