I'm gonna have a badass scar
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
