My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
