HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
