but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
