I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
