we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
