im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
