Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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