She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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