Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
