did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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