Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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