I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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