Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
