plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
