you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
