I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
