I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
