I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
