I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
