Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(843): View more from South Carolina

70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.

Fav 13 926 4781
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.

Fav 19 5600 944
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(818): View more from California

dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.

Fav 29 1433 5575
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(256): View more from Alabama

Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed

Fav 5 2970 1521
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(602): View more from Arizona

Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.

Fav 53 1682 8523
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(732): View more from New Jersey

shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying

Fav 10 979 3159
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.

Fav 6 2101 868
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.

Fav 2 511 959
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(812): View more from Indiana

He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.

Fav 0 58 12
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