My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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