he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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