You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
