NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
