i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
