when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize