two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
