I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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