PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
