her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
