i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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