in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
