I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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